A special Trick or Treat edition of our ongoing series reviewing the greatest Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror movies. Call this one the Trick. Note that these reviews may contain spoilers.
Directed by: Edward D. Wood Jr.
Produced by: J. Edward Reynolds
Written by: Edward D. Wood Jr.
Starring: Criswell (narrator), Gregory Walcott, Mona McKinnon, Tom Keene, Tor Johnson, Dudley Manlove, Vampira, Bela Lugosi
Year: 1956 or ’59, depending on how you look at it
Reviewed by: Sam Christopher
Rating: Negative 5 out of 5 Stars
“Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown… the mysterious… the unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts about… Grave Robbers from Outer Space?!”
Synopsis: Two gravediggers are killed by their intended buryee, the dead young wife of an old man. The old man will subsequently step into the path of a speeding car out of grief. Meanwhile, airline pilot Jeff Trent and his crew are knocked off course by a flying saucer and, as Trent will later explain to his wife while standing on their patio, “I’m muzzled by Army brass!” We learn that said Army brass knows all about the threat the UFOs pose, although they aren’t quite sure what the aliens really want. It turns out the aliens are raising our dead in an effort to gain our attention so they can stop us from destroying the Universe by accident. Luckily, Trent, an Army major, and some of the inept local police board the parked saucer and stop the AIC (Alien-In-Charge), Eros, before the story ends with the flaming UFO-On-A-String exploding in the night sky over the city.
“My friend, you have seen this incident, based on sworn testimony. Can you prove it didn’t happen?”
Comments/Analysis: I know, I know. There is someone out there right now who looked at the title of this Must Watch masterpiece and said, “What the–?!? I always heard that was the worst film ever made!” To them I say two things. First, have you ever seen Robot Monster? THAT’S the worst film ever made. Either that or Armageddon—do NOT get me started on Armageddon. Second, so what if it is? It’s still a must for any sf fan to see. Why? Because no matter what we may think of the dialogue (“Modern women!” “Yeah, they’ve been like that all down through the ages. Especially in a spot like this.”), or the action (actors being “knocked down” by the UFO in the graveyard and taking a couple headstones down with them), or the technical mistakes (in one scene it goes from night to day several times), there is an undeniable power and… near-subconscious beauty in this conglomeration of awful shots. I once read a review of Ed Wood’s films that said they seem to be his dreams set directly to film with no interference from his waking mind, and as a fan of this auteur I cannot argue with that assessment. Wood’s films have the same thing that John Carpenter’s (Halloween, The Fog, In the Mouth of Madness) have: verve. They live and breathe, and are fun to watch. Wood’s films just move a little less intelligently than Carpenter’s.
For this film, Wood took the last footage ever shot of his late friend, the great Bela Lugosi, and built a fantastic premise of aliens using “long distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary glands of recent dead” in order to show us their power and scare us into acknowledging their existence around it. He conned—er, talked—a local church group into funding the picture and cast his wife’s chiropractor, Tom Mason, to finish Lugosi’s scenes, a plan which would have made more sense if Mason had looked anything like Lugosi. He then slapped together stock footage around his (mostly) inept actors performing their inept actions while spouting their inept dialogue and a cinematic wonder was born. Other gaffes and cheap sfx on this film, such as the falling tombstones and UFOs being suspended from obvious string, are both legion and legend. The sheer number of mistakes and bad cinematic sequences are enough to sink this film into the depths.
And, yet, I say to you this should be seen. It will be necessary for you to check your conscious mind at the door, leaving with it your more serious nature. Take only your sense of fun and humor. This is not a time for logic and reason. Or, as the alien Eros would say, “You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! STUPID!”
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